Plymouth Magazine-Summer26-DIGITAL - Flipbook - Page 6
SWIMMING LESSONS: Lifeguarding 101 | Sac City, Iowa 1984
By Kevin Wilhelm
LESSON ONE: AUTHORITARIANISM
A cool morning with humid fog drifting from corn sweat. A
mist hovering above an unheated swimming pool.
Bundled in a sweatshirt, clip board in hand, whistle blows with
power. “Get in, the water’s warm.”
Tiny mermaids and waifish tadpoles clutch the side of the pool.
Shivering, shaking, lips blue. Looking up at higher powers with
fear. Teeth chattering. “Liars.”
LESSON TWO: PATERNALISM
A fifty-dollar season pool pass is affordable daycare in a rural
farm town. Children turn off their TV’s and perform a zombie
bike ride to the pool. Scooby Doo beach towels catch in bike
spokes as huffy bars flip back and forth. A scissor dance to their
home for the next eight hours.
Lifeguards assume parental responsibilities, helping struggling
urchins change into wet, too small, swimsuits. An impossible task.
Throughout the day, the wards scrape knees, elbows and skulls
against cruel concrete. Caring for the wounded with a steady
flow of hydrogen peroxide and band aids.
LESSON THREE: CAPITALISM
Meager lifeguard wages supplemented by candy shack profits.
The eyes of the wet, cold masses look up, get large and yearn for
the staged sweets. Jars of chalky lollies, boxes of lavender laffy
taffy and a freezer of scooter crunch bars taunt. A Dickensian
scene as tiny hands, pruny from water, hold coins for the
merchant lords. “Do I have enough, Sir?”
LESSON FOUR: HYGIENISM
The pool biodome creates a petri dish for biological
experimentation. Bacteria and microorganisms are created in
cell-like changing rooms. Buckets of bleach and a hose deployed
to bay the contagion. Questions are not asked.
Biohazards surprise at any time. “We got a floater.” A
loudspeaker calls everyone out of the pool as hazmat
superchlorination begins.
Healthy brown skin crisps, peels, re-crisps and darkens with
the help of coconut scented oil. Lab experiments for future
dermatological research.
UNLESSON FIVE: HEDONISM
Power shifts as instructors become students. Liberated.
Midnight pool is dark and mist has reappeared. Two return,
wine-cooler buzzed. Water has yet to cool off. Climbing the
fence, clothes off, rules no longer apply.
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